Secrets
by The Silver Trumpet
Summary: For BalloonClan challenge. Secrets can destroy. T for homosexual themes and death.


"Shush! Spiderpaw, it's a secret!" Amberpaw stared at her adopted brother in a pleading horror. He couldn't tell. He could never tell what was going on between her and Rosepaw. "Please! We just…I just…Somebody has to know!" Her chest was aching. "But you can't tell anybody!"

He shook his head in disbelief. "Amberpaw, what in StarClan's name do you expect me to do?" A bundle of herbs lay at his feet. "There's a reason I'm a medicine cat, you know. I, um. I just don't know how to react, exactly." He grabbed the bundle and sighed, flicking his tail for her to follow him back to camp. The forest was dense and green, thick with prey and herbs. Everything was flourishing in summer's heat. But inside Amberpaw, there was no sunshine, only a harsh summer storm.

"What should I—we—do?"

"If your we refers to me and you, there is no we. If your we refers to you and Rosepaw, I would suggest…um, staying away from each other. If at all possible." His pelt was prickling with discomfort. "It's unnatural, Amberpaw. No one here will accept it, let alone try to understand it. I'm not even sure I understand it."

She lowered her head. "I know. I'm…I'm sorry." She met his dark amber eyes. "Will you consult StarClan? For me?"

They entered the camp, but it was mostly deserted, for everyone was out of camp patrolling or hunting. "I'll do what I can," he agreed reluctantly as he began to sort the herbs.

She licked his ear. He made a disgusted face and twisted away. Her heart sank a little; he'd never done that before. She tried to keep smiling. "Thank you, Spiderpaw. Really." He turned back to her. The former fondness in his eyes was still there, but overshadowed by something else. Repulsion? Maybe. Head and tail low, she turned and left the medicine den.

* * *

"You told him _what?_" Rosepaw's green eyes were flashing with horror.

"Calm down, let me—"

"Calm down? Amberpaw, do you know what this could do to us? We'll be exiled!" She was clearly panicking.

"Spiderpaw would never—"

"You don't know that! He's not even your real brother! And he'd do anything to earn Applefern's respect! He'd turn us in just to make her love him again!"

Amberpaw launched herself at Rosepaw with a hiss. "He would never! He's my best friend!"

"I'll bet he wouldn't even touch you after you told him." Rosepaw shoved her off. "See? You don't have an answer to that, because I'm right." Her eyes slipped downward. "Amberpaw, we're doing something inherently wrong. It's against everything the clans have ever done; it's against every piece of the code. It's against the laws of nature. They have every right to fear us." Those emerald orbs vanished behind her lids. "Maybe…Maybe we should just pretend. Leave each other alone. Get mates. Have kits. Have lives. And nobody could ever know."

Amberpaw's heart clenched. "I could never be happy with anyone but you."

"It's not about what makes us happy!" Rosepaw snapped. "It's about what will keep us—Spiderpaw included, since you dragged him into this mess—safe!"

"I would rather leave the clans than live a lie!"

Rosepaw's eyes flashed. "You just want to make this difficult!"

"I would rather die than live without you!"

"Stop being so dramatic!" She turned to storm away.

"Where are you going?"

"Back to camp! And, there, I'm going to talk Hailstep's ear off, and I'm going to make sure that he looks at me the way that toms look at she-cats, because we all know he thinks about me that way." Her lip was curled in disgust. She hated the way Hailstep looked at her: so hungrily, so lustfully.

Amberpaw shook her head. "Rosepaw, please," she pleaded. She swallowed hard as her fellow apprentice stopped. "Spiderpaw is going to consult StarClan. He'll…He'll get some help. StarClan can fix this." She slid closer to her. "Please, Rosepaw, please. Stay with me." Her tongue rasped over the other she-cat's ear. "I love you. Understand? That's all that matters to me, is being with you."

Rosepaw turned to her with pain her eyes. "Cats could die for this."

An uncomfortable prickling sensation came over Amberpaw, but she shoved it away. "Let them die. You're mine, and I'm yours." She rubbed her cheek against Rosepaw's and let a hearty purr. The other let out a breath and with it, came a broken purr.

* * *

"Shadekit, I know you want to play, but I need to talk to Nightfire now. It's important, and I don't have much time." Spiderpaw tried to push away his starry-furred littermate, but she kept leaping at his paws. He stumbled forward a few steps. "Dad! Dad, I'm here to consult StarClan!" he yowled, trying to dislodge Shadekit's grip.

Nightfire approached. His father's bright amber eyes reflected the starlight. "I'm here, Spiderpaw. How's your mother?"

Spiderpaw bit back a sigh. "Applefern still hates me. She hasn't spoken to me since I became an apprentice. Listen, I need—"

"Maybe I should talk to her." He cocked his head. "What were you saying, son?"

Spiderpaw bit back a sharp retort. "I have question. About Amberpaw and Rosepaw."

Nightfire's expression became grave. "StarClan knows of their transgressions. Their unnatural desires will not go unpunished, if that is your concern. StarClan does not let wrongdoings go on without stopping them, of course. Don't be ridiculous!"

"No, Dad!" Desperation filled Spiderpaw's chest. "But, they haven't done anything wrong…Have they? There's nothing expressly forbidden in the warrior code about two consenting she-cats from the same Clan—"

"Nothing good will ever come from it!" the elder tom hissed. "If kits cannot come from it, it must be wrong." His nostrils flared. Clearly biting back his own rage, he continued, softer, "StarClan will see to it that they are appropriately punished."

"They've done no wrong!" Spiderpaw protested feebly.

"This is no longer your concern. However, if you wish to regain your mother's good graces, I would suggest informing her. And Petalcloud, as well; she'll be crushed to hear that Amberpaw could ever do such a thing. I will be sure to tell Brackenstar in a moon."

"A moon?" Spiderpaw's voice quivered.

Nightfire sighed. "StarClan is not cruel. We will give them time to recover from their transgressions. If they decide to revoke their current ways, there will be no punishment." He raised his eyes to the sky. "It is time for you to go, son. Travel well." He leaned to touch his son's nose, but Spiderpaw backed away.

Though his voice was fading from StarClan, he yowled, "You disgust me! You and all of StarClan!"

* * *

A quarter moon later, Amberwing and Roseheart were announced as warriors of ThunderClan. They kept their vigil close together, exchanging looks and touches under the light of the nearly full moon. Though they didn't know it, Spiderpaw, too, was awake. His keen eyes watched them almost through the night, praying for an answer to their conundrum. None arose. So, the following night, he crept to the crowded warriors den.

"Amberwing. Psst! Amberwing!" The golden warrior lifted her head. "Get Roseheart!" Her eyes widened when she saw him. Her tail brushed her secret mate's flank, stirring her into wakefulness. The russet and cream she-cat's eyes flittered open. Amberwing gestured to Spiderpaw. They carefully rose and left the den.

The three headed deep into the territory. "Spiderpaw, couldn't this have waited until morning?" Roseheart yawned deeply. "We're tired."

He shook his head. "StarClan's preparing a punishment. You…You have to stop. Or leave. Before anyone finds out." He sighed. "Brackenstar will get word in less than a moon, and then only StarClan knows what they'll do to you!" His eyes were wide and frightened. "You need to run. Or stop. Just…I don't want them to hurt you!"

The she-cats exchanged a glance. Finally, Amberwing spoke. "I have no intention of fleeing the clans without a fight." Roseheart's eyes were pained, but she nodded in agreement. "It is not StarClan's place to reveal our secrets. We can do so ourselves." She narrowed her eyes. "The Gathering is in three days."

Spiderpaw shook his head rapidly. "That's inane! They'll all kill you there!"

"Peace is preserved at a Gathering."

"Not if clouds go over the moon!"

Roseheart finally put in, "Both of you, calm down!" They turned to look at her. "Amberwing's idea is a good one. We should be the ones to tell our secret. It's no one else's to tell." Her eyes were serious. "We discussed the risks long ago, Spiderpaw. If a war erupts, cats will die. But it will be their very own fault. Ignorance and close-mindedness have clouded the minds of the clan cats since the beginning of time. It would take a revolution to make them accept us." Her eyes darkened. "I personally believe that the clans would eliminate themselves in war before they would come to a peaceful holding over whether or not we can be mates by the law of the warrior code."

Spiderpaw swallowed hard. "Nightfire wants me to tell Applefern and Petalcloud."

Roseheart glared at Amberwing but stayed silent. The latter cleared her throat. "We told Petalcloud before we were made warriors. She…She doesn't like it, but she said she would rather lose the warrior code than her daughter."

"Applefern would not believe the same," Roseheart put in. "And she is related to neither of us."

"Nightfire desperately wants me back in her good graces," Spiderpaw confessed. He realized that he was telling them too much about StarClan's desires, but it was the least of their problems. "I won't tell her if you don't want me to."

"Thank you." Amberwing winked at Roseheart with a smug smile. "And…Spiderpaw, don't worry about it too much, okay? We're going to be okay." The dawn was starting to come. One she-cat licked the other's ear, and they walked into the trees together, leaving Spiderpaw with a sinking sensation in his chest.

* * *

At the Gathering, Roseheart and Amberwing were seated in the middle of the clearing. Brackenstar began his speech. The she-cats shifted restlessly. As the tom broke off, Amberwing leapt to her paws. "I have something to say!" Cats from all clans turned to look toward them. Their leader opened his mouth to scold them, but another put in that she wanted to see what they had to say. "Since the beginning of the clans, the definition of mates has been a she-cat and tom, usually a couple capable of producing kits." Uncomfortable mutterings went from cat to cat. "But I'm planning on changing that!" A few cats cried out. "This is my mate, Roseheart. She is not from another clan! She is not a loner or a rogue, nor is she closely related to me!" Amberwing continued, but the cries drowned her out.

"Disgusting!"

"Vile!"

"Revolting!"

"You're repulsive, both of you!"

"Silence!" Brackenstar roared. The Gathering fell quiet. "Two cats alone do not have the courage to stand at a Gathering and preach such blasphemy. Who joined you?"

Amberwing's teeth clamped onto her tongue. Petalcloud launched herself up. "I did! Amberwing is my daughter! I will never disown her because she loves a she-cat!"

"Anyone else?" Brackenstar's every word was a dare, a threat.

Spiderpaw reluctantly came to his paws. Fear glowed in his eyes. "I did."

Applefern swung on him. "You? You?" Claws flashed out. "You are a disgrace to your father!" In a sudden bolt of teeth and black fur, screeches arose. Some cats cleared a path, while others tried to separate the combating mother and son. It was over in mere seconds; Applefern was torn away from the medicine cat apprentice, whose lifeblood was pouring on the ground. "You piece of fox dung! You fox heart!" she shrieked, furious light highlighting her features.

The first attack was enough. The moon disregarded, cats from all clans took sides and began to slash at each other. Petalcloud went down. Amberwing, careful not to lose her mate in the crowd, pelted to the edge of the island.

Roseheart was disbelieving. "You really want to leave them like this?"

"As you said…" She swallowed her grief. "They're corrupt. It's their own fault." Green eyes met green, and the two touched noses before swimming across the lake and pelting into the dark night, finally and forever free.


End file.
